threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
