im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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