he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
