I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
