I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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