can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize