..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
