Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
