East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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