I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
