The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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