My nipple is on Facebook.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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