Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
