At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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