Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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