So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
