Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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