When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
