I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
