I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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