Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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