i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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