well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
