We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
