apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
