where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
