I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
