I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
