I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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