It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
