Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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