just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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