i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
