woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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