We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
