she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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