im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
