I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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