There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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