I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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