Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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