It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
