After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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