i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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