Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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