I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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