Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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