just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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