i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
