I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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