Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
