evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Houston, we have a squirter
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I touched a dick in church today
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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