things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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