Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
