I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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