I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
