We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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