shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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