you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
